R.O.O.T. Webzine

Klaus is back. I mean, the Starbucks bloody gorgeous waiter is back. And Jim is jubilating. But please, Klaus, (let’s pretend his name is Klaus. Jim heard it might be “Felix”) don’t turn your back on him! I won’t be able to control him.

Ethnology Museum

Berlin. Day 3. A-fucking-mazing. Maybe because what we did today had nothing to do with Berlin’s history. That’s it. We paid a visit to the fucking great (and I weigh my words) Ethnologic Museum in Dalhem, Berlin.

Museum

All in all the day started well : warm (like very warm, almost hot) weather, huge noisy traffic in the street behind our windows hotel. Jim got up with a major peepee urge. Back at our daily breakfast, I finally tasted the black bread: not that good. Not that good with some kind of German Nutella on it. Dunno.

Nose to Nose

Then, it’s back to the slipping subway seats. Jim and I got so lost in contemplation that we almost missed our exit station (which I can’t pronounce the name, not even spell it). Thankfully, the train stopped for at least five minutes, giving us the time to wake up and understand our situation and react to correct it.

Boat head

We arrived to the Dalhem block around 11.30am. Woody, sunny, quiet and hosting a free university about human sciences, it was like paradise to me. But not so much for Jim who looked pretty skeptic regarding our museum day.

Jim in da house

But the museum blew our minds. We started with the Maya section where we met what we thought was the statue of the first vampire ever. Its canines were huge. Or so we thought. Then came the Oceania section with some huge phallic statues. I enjoyed the boats while Jim tried the houses – with bare feet- in the middle of the museum and sharing his favorite smelling.

Vampire

Two hours later, we were starving. We swallowed our meal in five minutes-chrono (breaking the world record for sure). Then back to the museum and the Africa section where we were now in an Olympic health. Facing a huge statue full of carved human shapes holding some smaller heads:

“Let’s break skulls! yelled Jim.
- Yeah, well, wait, I think it’s a female fecundity thing. The smaller heads are the new born babies…
- Oh shit.”

Ghosts

The Asia section was epic. And I’m not speaking about the artifacts. The security guards started following us from room to room. I’m pretty sure there were more guardians than visitors. Were they so happy to see some new faces that they had to follow us everywhere? We tried to split up but they found us again every time. This was somewhat hilarious as they remained silent and serious staring at us. We visited the museum from basement to attic, followed by our bodyguards. Do we look like robbers?

White man as seen by a Native American

We left after almost five hours of visit. Time flies in a cultural and paranoiac vortex.

Tomorrow we are planning a big day out in the artistic streets of Berlin. The rumor says we’re going to see Brad Pitt. YEEHAW! So, no article, tomorrow. But two on Friday. Merry Christmas.

Oh and by the way, the Julie Subs restaurant we were supposed to try yesterday night was a waste of time. No Julie, no subs. Just sandwiches.

See you on Friday MORNING with Jim.

Text: RAYA B’DULL